Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I skipped work to stalk him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
