i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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