About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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