Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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