There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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