my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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