You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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