Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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