All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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