how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
