By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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