And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
