I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
