i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
