THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
