I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
