I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
