i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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