she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
