she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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