she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
