I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
