The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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