and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
