How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
