yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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