I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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