You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
