maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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