but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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