it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
