so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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