Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
