It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
