that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
high people should be assigned attendants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
