The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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