i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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