why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
