I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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