i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
