Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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