i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i need some magic done to my vagina