Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.