OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
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we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person