I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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