How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.