Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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