Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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