btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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