I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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