Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize