Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
