I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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