just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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