Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
