I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
