I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
