She said her name was "party"
Someone shit on the floor
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
