Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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