i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
