god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
