I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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