The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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