youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
