I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
