Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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