cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
