plz talk dirty to me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
