I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i now understand why vodka
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
