her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
