the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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