Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
